Losing It In Phi Phi (Pee-pee)

Source: Phi Phi Party Crew (The Shangri La)

This past October, I took my first trip to the islands of Thailand. I want to specify that it was my first, and not last trip because it's a place that never really leaves you. It infects your soul like a virus. For some impressionable early 20-somethings, it inhabits them like a gold trimmed wide grinning parasite. And everyone wants a bite of everyone else.

There are two rows of islands along Thailand's long southern strip. One row on the Andaman Sea and one on the Gulf of Thailand. The island where I spent the most time was on the Andaman Sea side, and it was called Ko Phi Phi (correct pronunciation: Pee Pee).

Thailand has a reputation for being a massive country to party in, but I had no idea how common it was for visitors to literally drop their entire reality and stay on the islands indefinitely. Surprisingly the sexy film about big Leo dabbling in a bit of island infidelity and then going absolutely out of his coconut shell brain via SuperNintendo-meets-acid-tripping-with-baboons, was not far from what actually happens.

While there are no secret island camps (not that I saw anyway), Phi Phi and surrounding islands are littered with young adult-lets from all major English-speaking countries who have come to escape the square dullness and yucky sensibility of the Western world. On Phi Phi, life is a hooping hoorah with drug-laced candies and alcohol served in sandcastle buckets, and, by god, you better get on board.

Among the endless personal accounts I heard of lives being abandoned in Britain, Australia, New Zealand, America, South Africa, and Ireland, a few in particular stood out. I probably shouldn't name any names, but I'll make up some for the sake of storytelling. Here are a few selections (I can only put up a picture of one of these people for the sake of privacy):

Narcissus  I hate to say that I really liked Narcissus. He was a spunky kid who's eaten flesh from a living snake and has had intercourse with most people he's met. He spins fire and had to rescue an old sailor from a Viagra overdose. This guy's reason for abandoning The World is that he's what I like to call A Memory Collector. He does everything and says "no" to nothing. He wants to devour life and will succeed in doing so--if it doesn't swallow him first.

Captain  This wonderful character is actually the same old man whom Narcissus rescued from the Viagra overdose. His story is that he bought a ship from England about 30 years ago, set out for Thailand, but had to stop for 20 years in the middle because he found a Croatian wife. Now, after 5 marriages and a 30-year trip from the UK to Thailand, he spends his days getting his picture taken with beautiful half-nude women, having his belly button used for shots, and influencing lovely dirty habits on the impressionable youth.

Blondie  This girl was an absolute riot. She chronically falls in love with obscure foreign men. Blondie only likes guys who scream, light their boxers on fire, have gauges in their ears, and convince her to travel half-way around the world for a date. I accompanied her to a bar where her newest love affair was serving drinks. He was a native Thai with hair like Rufio and a smile like the devil. He gave us a big piece of chocolate that looked like a French truffle, but tasted like mud. It was weed with something else, but I don't remember what the something else was.

(This actually is Big Love. 

Postcards of Phi Phi locals are sold at shops.)

Big Love  I call this lovable lumpy fella Big Love because his favourite song is "Big Love" by Chicken. I know this because at the nightclub/streetside hut that he owns, he really starts to boogie when the live band plays this song. And it's entirely epic as he looks like the sun when he dances. Every cell of his being is in ecstasy to be a part of him.

While there are many other very interesting characters who come and go and stay on Phi Phi, this is just a sample of the most impressionable ones I met. I would encourage anyone to gain their own personal experience on this island of neon lights, spinning fire, and alcohol served in fruit or kids' plastic toys.

In honour of Big Love, and the rest of the nameless Phi Phi lot, let the following song be the soundtrack of your day:

Tea, Father? And Other Bits Of Irish Life

Source: IrishRainPhotography.com

Ireland - the land of Bono, Father Ted, pints, and "the craic". And for the past three years, and counting, it's been my home. 

Only a few non-Irish residents that I've met here know what I mean when I say that you just can't get this kind of silly anywhere else. The quirkiest things seem to happen here and it's the only country I've been in where the people actually get on board with the whimsical nature of everyday life. 

To begin a new series called "Tea, Father? And Other Bits Of Irish Life", I would like to share a short, yet profound experience I had with a woman in an elevator:

I enter an elevator of a 3 story building. An older rather squat woman with large glasses follows in behind me. I press the button for the floor below me.

"Oh, beejayzus!" she screams as she braces herself with both arms in a wide-V in the corner of the elevator.

I stare at her. Stunned.

She gulps and asks, "Is this going down," and then, gathering herself says very matter-of-factly, "Oh, it's supposed to do that."

When the elevator door opens and she exits, she looks at me with a blush in her cheeks and says, "Don't mind me, I'm just dizzy."

As she gets off, I clutch my hands to my chest and beam at the wonderful absurdity of life in Ireland.

Source: CorkIndependent.com

Sleeping With SCOBY

SCOBY : Symbiotic Colony Of Bacteria and Yeast. Also known as a gelatinous honey-coloured disc used to make the pro-biotic drink Kombucha.

While travelling with my family through the north of Italy over Christmas holidays, my aunt, a naturopath, potter and recent crochet-er, told me that she was missing her SCOBY. 

"What is that?" I asked.

"It's my bacterial friend that I use to make Kombucha with. Really, he's helped my hair so much."

"It's a HE?"

"Well, obviously."

Source: CulturedFoodLife.com

Now, my aunt has been known to entertain some far-reaching ideas in her lifetime. But when it comes to health, youth, and beauty, she's spot on. She's nearly 50 now and has the skin of a 20 year old. I've never seen a wrinkle on her face.

When she told me how much her kombucha concoctions have helped her health, I knew I wanted a SCOBY of my own. But the trick is, she told me, you have to LOVE it. I mean, dote on the SCOBY. Talk to it, give it a blanket, let it watch you bake a cake. Growing a SCOBY should be like giving birth, but without all the hormones and an entire person emerging from your groin.

Conceiving a SCOBY:

1/4 Cup Castor Sugar

1/4 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar

1 Quart/Litre Water

2 Tea Bags Black or Green

Make sweet tea.

Remove tea bags and pour sweet tea into a mason jar. Add apple cider vinegar.

Stir.

Place a breathable cloth on top of the "womb" and fasten with a rubber band. My SCOBY jar just happens to be a man who just travelled through the Middle East. Like Paul Coelho's Alchemist, I've name him Santiago.

Santiago sleeps by my bed. He LOVES being warm, which is why he has his scarf wrapped around him like a blanket. He also likes to watch birds. Sometimes we sit by the window together to see the seagulls flying around Dublin. He likes just a bit of light. He's sleepy most of the time. If there's sunlight, he likes to look at it, close his eyes, and have a nice dream. But in a dimly lit bedroom, by a warm fire, or with blanket are some of his favourite places to fall asleep.

Most of all, he LOVES bedtime stories. Because he sleeps so much, about 5 "bedtime" stories a day is the norm. Stories are a big part of his life and he considers dreams to be on par with good books.

It will take about a month for Santiago to become a real SCOBY. Stay tuned for more updates. Pictures of the birth are soon to come!