Letters



Please send any letters, requests for advice, or questions about life to RachelleEHicks@Gmail.com.


I will answer.
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Or both.



One of the jobs I had while going to university was working as a handyman's assistant. My boss's name was John and he hired me because his elderly clients felt comfortable with me working in their gardens. They made sandwiches for me and told stories about the past, which I very much liked. Whenever I would mention being a handyman's assistant, most people thought that it went something like this:



...but it was really more like this:

Source: Izismile.com

Ahh, okay. I can't fake it. It totally gave me some hot points. BUT it was a seriously hard job sometimes. John and I did lots of manly things like cleaning gutters, repairing the foundation in basement crawlspaces, plumbing work, and digging very large holes in Georgia red clay--which IS NOT EASY.

It was an awesome job, though. There are few words to describe how much I enjoyed getting my hands dirty and coming home feeling like I deserved a hot meal and a strong pint of ale. Some days felt like I lived the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, and made it home in time for a bath and the sunset. However, this feeling was not the only satisfaction I gained from my time as a handyman's assistant. 

One of my favorite things about the job was that John had an alter-ego he called Karma John. Karma John enjoyed things like tree swings, sun hats, Blondie, his cat Oreo, and a daily dose of philosophy. Oftentimes I would sit through long truck rides to the hardware store listening to inane rambling about the year's spring fashion trends and how it reflected our current society, while "Like a Prayer" blared through the speakers.

Below are some of the letters he dropped off in my mailbox along with my weekly payment:



Karma John reports ... Sightings!

A bum in Little 5 told me he saw Eric Clapton and Elton John in an A-A meeting. How about that! Has anyone seen Elvis lately? I've heard nothing. Is he fading away? What about Mary? I've heard nothing there either. That info is probably confined to Catholic newsletters. As a super animated mutant ninja squirrel, I wouldn't be privy. Oh! I heard that Bin-Laden's face appeared on the side of Mt. Ararat yesterday for about 2 hours. Is he back to haunt the world? Anyone seen Obama? Oh, wait, he's still alive. But then no one shows a hand and I'm Elton. Ta-ta, ya'll!

More sightings! ... sort of. My old good-time buddy Loudon Wainwright IV said he had a dream, a waking vision, in the afternoon in which he saw Billy the Kid in a bar in, I think he said Dodge City. The dream ended in a loud bang. Kinda like the bang from a shape in Big Fifty buffalo gun at close range. He woke up and found that his cat had knocked his radio off the boudoir. 

Anybody seen Wild Bill? Where have all the cowboys gone?

KJ

This is another one of Karma John's letters: 


Karma John sez ... 

Coffee, oddly enough, is the heaviest-traded commodity in the world. Bigger than chocolate (!), bigger than cotton, bigger than tobacco, bigger even than sex! For if everyone would double their coffee intake if just might bring us out of the recession! And plus, if enough people o.d., it could diffuse the population bomb! So ... drink more coffee! Drink up! Caffeine is good for u! Good for the world!

KJ